Ah Sassafras, the busiest place in the hills. Only the most devoted foodies will agree to the long waiting times to gain entry to Miss Marple’s Tea Room. Other options are therefore a must if you are lucky enough to obtain the mythical vacant car space. I have only been to The Black Kettle for coffee before as it was a quiet alternative to the other cafes available in Sassafras but unfortunately the other day we decided to go for lunch. The cafe was fairly empty so I thought this place was a possible oasis to escape the crowds outside. I tried to order the Harvest Pie ($14.95). Cheese, tomato, spinach, onion, potato, capsicum and egg in a wholemeal pastry served with chips and salad. Alas, this was not available. I then came up with many different options from the menu but none of these were available either. I was tempted to ask what actually was available on the menu but finally got lucky with the Homemade Tartlet of the day ($14.95). This was a capsicum tart served chips and salad. Sadly, the tartlet was tasteless and the pastry was uncooked. The chips and salad were great, thankfully. ‘Homemade’ apparently means bland here. My friend ordered the Egg and Bacon Sandwich ($8.50) which was very plentiful and tasty with thick slices of bread. The coffee ($3.50) was again good. Today, cakes included a Belgium Lemon Tart ($7.00) which the crust had fallen off and a Gluten-free Mud Cake. The older waitress was unfriendly but maybe that was because she was sick of having to explain that they didn’t have many things on the menu available. The front door was also quite startling for diners of the cafe as it let off a thunderous bang every time people entered or exited. There are much better places in the Dandenongs to eat and would probably only come here again as a last resort.